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After Infertility / When Postpartum Isn’t What You Imagined

For weeks, months, or years, you prayed, hoped, and begged for a baby. The uncertainty brought up painful emotions and you wondered if it would ever be you with the baby bump, decorating a nursery, picking out names, and celebrating new life. While so many around you had exactly what you wanted, you kept waiting. 

Doubt. Grief. Sadness. Jealousy. Anticipation. Injustice. Joy. More grief. So many mixed feelings.

And then, it finally happened! The pregnancy test was positive, baby was growing beautifully, and your chance finally arrived to be the parent you always imagined being. You endured great physical, financial and emotional costs but every single bit of it was worth it to finally build your family the way you hoped.

You promised yourself you would embrace every snuggle, tearful cry, and sleepless night if you could just hold that baby in your arms. 

Then baby arrived.

And things were good, and they were also hard. 

Like, really hard. Maybe even unbearable. Baby won’t eat or sleep. You haven’t showered in days. The help you were promised isn’t what you imagined and certainly not what you need. You’re feeling lonely, insufficient and are struggling to remember who you are as a person. You open Instagram and see moms in clean clothes looking like superstars with babies who sleep on the go and barely make a peep and you wonder what’s wrong with you. So here come more mixed feelings. 

Grief. Joy. Confusion. Disappointment. Insecurity. Contentment. Fear. Shame. Guilt. It goes on and on.

You fought like hell to bring this baby into the world and now the hard days make the immense gratitude feel a little murky. 

In the exhaustion and guilt, give yourself permission to lean into the both/and of this postpartum experience: 

It can be overwhelmingly challenging AND you can do this.

You can be capable AND need support.

You can struggle AND be a good parent. 

You can desperately need a break AND you are a present parent. 

You love your baby AND you can be angry that parenthood isn’t what you imagined so far. 

You can desire for this hard season to be over AND want to hold onto their tiny preciousness. 

Hear us say this:

You love your baby. You are a good parent. Your baby loves you. 

Everyone tells you it will get better - and we agree - but when there’s a big question mark of WHEN, that advice can feel even more isolating.

It’s normal for postpartum to be hard. It’s not biologically normal to have to parent in isolation - please reach out for help. We have therapists available to support you with warmth, zero judgment, and snacks. Always snacks. 

With all the warmth and understanding in the world, 

Mallorie 🖤


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