As a therapist my primary goal is to work with clients to create a safe and supportive space where they are able to explore and address any challenges or concerns they may have regarding their sexual well-being and relationship with self/others. In creating a space of safety I like to have a variety of resources in my office (snacks, water, journals, fidget toys, cozy blankets, tissues and yes- LUBE samples. If this doesn’t sound like the typical tool kit for a therapist let me breakdown why I think normalization and education is important surrounding sexual aids like lubrication in the therapy space. Here’s a great video of said tool kit.
Wait, Can I talk about Sex with my Therapist?
Yes, at The Couch Therapy our team utilizes the Biopsychosocial Model to Sex Positive care. The Biopyschosocial approach integrates the biological, psychological and social factors involved in a person and their body. We aim to utilize this model to offer a holistic comprehensive treatments to increase personal satisfaction and quality of life. And, YES, we absolutely believe that sexual health is quality of life.
Lube Can be a Tool for Enhancing Comfort (Physically and Emotionally):
Lubrication can improve comfort during sexual activities by reducing friction as well as aid in reducing performance anxiety surrounding production of your own lubrication. Pushing through pain should not be the standard of sex yet societally we don’t normalize arousal and desire cycle of each unique individual and their unique body. As we work together therapeutically to process your own arousal and desire cycle we will also explore your relationship with listening to your own body and your body cues. It’s important to know that some individuals may experience challenges with natural lubrication due to hormonal changes, medications, stress, physical trauma and/ or other factors. In therapy you can work with your therapist on exploring your emotions and possible discomfort around engaging with any type of sexual health aid such as lubrication or your own body’s response to arousal. If you are curious about your body’s arousal due to trauma we love Emily Nagoski’s work on Arousal non-concordance here.
Normalizing Communication:
Talking about lube helps normalize open communication about sexual health and preferences. It encourages clients to express their needs and desires, promoting a healthier and more fulfilling sexual relationship with themselves and others. As we enhance personal comfort with lubrication we can also help individuals with education and tools in sharing expression of needs from their body with their partner(s). During conversations around sexual health your provider will model a culture of consent that allows you to discuss what you are comfortable with and have the ability to say no if there is a topic that is off limits. This happens naturally in the therapy room through discussion and questions like “Would you mind if I asked you about…. or are you comfortable sharing more about…..” so when you are in relationships you can also model the practice of consent and sexual health since you’ve had practice with your own voice in prior dialogue around sexual health.
Addressing Medical Conditions:
There are medical conditions that may need to be considered in utilizing sexual aids such as lubrication. As a therapist it’s important to know my limits of care and provide clients a trauma informed and sex positive community of referrals that can help them in understanding possible physical root causes. Collaboratively your therapist and medical care provider can work together to create a customized treatment plan that will care for the whole picture of you.
Author’s Note : It's important to note that conversations about sexual health, including the use of lube, are conducted in a confidential and non-judgmental manner within the therapeutic setting. These discussions aim to support clients in overcoming challenges, enhancing intimacy, and promoting overall sexual well-being. It is essential to understand that the therapy is not a form of sexual activity.
It's also important to note that this post is not sponsored but we would like to give a shoutout to Good Clean Love for continually providing our practice with free samples of lubrication to continue the conversation of sexual health.
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