Approaching Holidays After Loss
The holidays are often a time of connection and celebration, but for many, they can also highlight feelings of loss. Whether it's the empty chair at the table or the silence where laughter once was, grief doesn't pause for the season. If you're finding it difficult, remember you're not alone — it's normal to experience a range of emotions. Here are some ways to help navigate this time with compassion and care for yourself.
Acknowledge and accept your feelings
The holidays can stir up a mix of emotions, both uplifting and challenging. While it's easy to embrace the positive feelings, the negative ones can feel heavy and uncomfortable. However, those heavy emotions are telling us something important - that we are missing something, and have had something that is worth missing. Whether it’s a person, a future we envisioned, or something else, there was likely joy or happiness tied to that loss. Vicki Harrison said it best: “Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” In the same way, we must allow ourselves to feel the emotions as they rise and fall, understanding that it’s okay to experience both the quiet moments and the times when the weight of grief feels too much to bear.
Set boundaries with social events
Social events can be draining! And usually around the holidays, there are JUST SO MANY! So give yourself a break! Whether that’s setting a time limit for how long you stay at an event or even finding a quiet room to yourself to take a break for a few minutes. Do what feels best for you!
Find ways to honor the loss
Memorializing loss can be an extremely powerful thing. Whether it's engaging in a tradition, or lighting a candle, being able to pay respect for that loss can be a way to turn our loss and grief into something bigger than a feeling.
Reach out for support
You don’t have to face this season by yourself. Give yourself permission to lean on those around you—whether they’re family, friends, or chosen family. If you’re unsure about reaching out to loved ones, consider exploring local or virtual support groups. As Megan Divine beautifully expresses in her book It's Ok That You're Not Ok: “I wish this for you: to find the people you belong with, the ones who will see your pain, companion you, hold you close, even as the heavy lifting of grief is yours alone. As hard as they may seem to find at times, your community is out there. Look for them. Collect them. Knit them into a vast flotilla of light that can hold you.” Your support network is there, waiting to embrace you—seek them out and let them be the light that guides you through this difficult time.
Practice self-care and self-compassion
Its always a great idea to practice self-care and self-compassion, so why would it be any different around the holidays? Find time in the midst of the parties and obligations to do something you enjoy. Know what your limits are and be kind with yourself! If you need a day to relax and mourn, let yourself and try not to judge yourself for it. Rest if you need to, meet your basic needs and engage in activities that feel comforting or restful.
It's ok to seek joy, even when grieving
We often believe that we can’t experience more than one emotion at a time, especially when those emotions seem to contradict each other. But the truth is, it’s entirely possible for grief and joy to coexist. They don’t need to compete for our attention! If you find yourself laughing or smiling during a family dinner or holiday gathering, it doesn’t mean you aren’t also carrying the weight of your loss. As Keanu Reeves wisely puts it: “Grief changes shape, but it never ends.” Allow yourself to embrace moments of happiness or peace without guilt, knowing they can exist alongside your grief.
Allow for flexibility
While we love traditions, we don’t have to keep them rigidly. Allow yourself to be flexible to your needs at the moment. Grief evolves over time and what worked for holidays last year, may not be what you need this year! Give yourself grace to grieve in the ways that feel best for you and the flexibility to change things up!
If you're considering seeking support, know that you're not alone. Whether you're dealing with recent loss or an old wound that still lingers, it's never too late to nurture your grief. Schedule a consultation to further explore opportunities for further support : https://thecouchtherapy.clientsecure.me/
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