What do you want your relationship to look like? Many people when they start couples counseling can tell me what they don’t want, but have a harder time describing what they DO want in therapy. Sometimes that can stem from the lack of realistically positive relationship models in our lives, as well as the constant onslaught of idealized visions of romantic bliss we see on our social media feeds.
Let’s talk about one of the fundamental aspects of a good relationship- friendship. Friendship is integral to any romantic relationship (with the caveat that it is not the only part of a relationship).
Think about your close friends. You share knowledge of each others’ lives, each others’ likes and dislikes. You trust that they have your back, and you show up for each other when needed. You cheer for their accomplishments and grieve for their losses. You have inside jokes and ways to have fun together.
These are also qualities you can learn to incorporate into your relationship. Many times in the busyness of life and babies and buying homes and working and stressing about finances and family drama, we can forget to connect with the person who we’ve chosen to share our life with. We don’t tell them about how anxious we are about tomorrow’s presentation (we fume and snap at them for not picking up the dry cleaning). We don’t tell them about the best parts of the show we love (we complain that they don’t watch anything with us). We don’t respond when our partners point out that the neighbors’ dog seems to have gotten loose (we keep scrolling through our phones).
I encourage you to take a few minutes every evening to just talk to your partner about what you experienced that day. Five minutes of sitting together, maybe on a hand-holding walk around the block, or while sitting together with a cup of something warm. If you have little children, this can feel especially hard, but it’s also when those five minutes are the most essential to maintaining that connection. If you can’t do it every evening just yet, start with two evenings a week! It’s more important to start than to worry about getting it “perfect”.
A good relationship is built in the moments of our day to day lives. It is built through action and intention, through thoughtfulness and playfulness, giving and receiving. In couples counseling we have the opportunity to begin to build this foundation and remind you why you both fell in love. Couples therapy isn’t just for big issues, you can start couples counseling when you want that intentional reconnection.
If you want some support in building this kind of a relationship, and don’t know where to start, reach out to us at The Couch Therapy. We would be honored to support you as you nurture the foundation of your relationship through couples therapy.
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