Did you see the popular headlines this week? A headline that feels unsurprising, validating and distressing all at once.
Muthy shared that as a Surgeon General, he became interested in the mental health for parents as a parent himself. He shared that as a parent he uniquely understands the pressures and stress that families face and the crucial impact the stress in American homes has on both parents and children. Murthy shared in an NPR Interview “I dug into the data, I found that 48% of parents - nearly half of them - say that most days, they feel completely overwhelmed by stress. That's an extraordinary number. And I also found that parents are struggling with loneliness at disproportionately higher levels, particularly single parents, more than three-quarters of whom report feeling lonely. This has really important implications for the mental health of parents, which we now know, in turn, affects the mental health of kids.”
Murthy cites lack of support from the community and family as well as social media pressures for the perfect parenting as reasons for an increase in pressure post-COVID-19 stressors for families. Murthy shared that “you can't tell from the outside how people are doing. And sometimes, I think, as parents, we assume that we're the only ones struggling. You know, I have certainly felt that a lot. But when you actually talk to parents, you find that a lot of us are going through the same things. If we can talk openly with one another about this, I believe that we can help find and build the kind of community that all of us need to do parenting well.”
Tonight, on 9/4/2024, I write this blog feeling both seen and paralyzed by the acknowledgment of parental stress. I join the ranks of the 48% of parents who report feeling increasingly overwhelmed and stressed in parenting decisions. I join the many parents who feel a multitude of emotions today as we grieve across the nation with the news of a school shooting at Apalachee High School in Georgia. The plague of stress of parenting a child in today’s world is heavy each day, especially today.
If you resonate with the multitude of stressors that plague you as a parent it’s important to remember the following:
You aren’t alone- as Murthy shared, we sometimes feel like we are the only ones struggling as parents. It is important to normalize the feelings of struggle and find ways to acknowledge the struggle internally and externally.
We must pour into our cup before we can pour into others- Caring for yourself as a parent is important, without self-nurture, we can’t nurture our children. Start small, and make sure you are caring for your body with nutrition, breath work, movement, and water. If your body is regulated, then you can meet your child’s needs in a regulated way
Follow the feeling- what is the feeling telling you? Frequently parents tell me that they feel angry or agitated with their child. By acknowledging the feeling, they can explore the deeper emotions inside the feeling. Maybe agitation symbolizes the overwhelm of emotions that you have when your child expresses a need. Get curious about that and dig deeper where that message comes from. Watch the video Shark Music to learn more about how these deeper messages from our childhood impact our children.
Acknowledge what you can control and plan- Need a nap? Reach out to a friend and childcare swap. Feel fear? Engage in acknowledgment with what you can and can’t control and move f
orward with integration. Feeling lonely? Sign up for a weekly parent support group. Use our self-care wheel and pick one area to nurture and focus there. Each feeling is information that we can acknowledge and engage with. Plan and don’t get stuck in a loop.
You don’t have to struggle alone. Join us at The Couch to take care of your mental health as a parent.
Want to learn more? In the 30-page advisory, Murthy called for a "fundamental shift" in prioritizing the mental health and well-being of parents. As a society, we can talk about the stress that parents are under all day long, but the call to action that occurred under Murthy’s advisory is a worthwhile read for all parents. Murthy encouraged governments and employers to establish programs to ensure that parents have access to affordable mental health care, paid family and medical leave, and other family services. A call to action that research supports as high level of prevention and mitigation of stress turning into crisis.
Thank you to NPR for the great reporting on this report!
Parents, be kind to yourself, you are doing a great job with a hard job.
- Emily
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