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5 Reasons for Orgasm Performance Anxiety. Tips from a Sex Therapist.

18+ please!

Orgasm performance anxiety is a concern that can affect anyone- yet it's not a topic that we frequently talk about openly. Let's slay the stigma and talk about some possible root causes of sexual performance anxiety and how therapy can help you find your O(rgasm) again!



First, things first- let's look at five reasons that orgasm performance anxiety may join you in the bedroom.



1. Pressure to Perform

Societal expectations and personal beliefs often place immense pressure on sexual performance. This can lead to anxiety and distract from the pleasure of the experience, making it difficult to relax and enjoy intimacy. According to recent research in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers surveyed more than 1,400 women about their experiences with orgasm.

Fast facts from the study: 22% of women said they never experienced orgasm

31-40% of the time in response to the question about intercourse in general. By contrast, women said they reached orgasm even more often with assisted intercourse (51-60% of the time), but less often with unassisted intercourse (21-30% of the time).



How Therapy Helps: Therapy provides a safe space to explore and reframe these performance pressures. By improving your own skills in self-exploration, noticing your preference and increasing communication skills, and discussing these expectations openly, you can shift your focus from performance to connection and enjoyment (solo or with a partner). Learn more about how practice makes perfect in the body and brain from our friend Dr. Emily Nagoski, in this great video.


2. Body Image Issues

Our relationship with our body doesn't exist just when we get dressed in the morning. If you find yourself worried about how your body looks instead of how your body feels we quickly find our pleasure impacted.

How Therapy Helps: Therapy can help nurture your relationship with your body image and self-worth. Therapy will help you deconstruct social stigmas and patriarchal shame-laced messages and help you feel more present and embodied during intimacy and outside of intimacy.

PS- all bodies are good bodies & we can't wait to help you cultivate that belief for yours!


3. Past Negative Experiences

Previous negative or traumatic sexual experiences can cause a somatic response that can be unexpected or terrifying. This can cause anxiety around current sexual performance even though it is a past historical event.

  • (Therapist note) First, that shouldn't have happened to you- we are so sorry and you didn't deserve that. Second, you deserve to feel grief, anger, disappointment, whatever comes from how your history has been wired in your brain and joins you (uninvited) in your current sexual functioning.

These experiences can lead to fear and stress that interfere with your ability to engage in pleasurable intimacy and experience pleasure in a way you deserve.

How Therapy Helps: Trauma-informed therapy provides a supportive environment to address, nurture and process healing from past experiences. By fostering open communication about these issues in therapy you have the opportunity to explore options to rebuild your relationship with sexuality.


4. Lack of Communication

Poor communication about sexual needs and preferences can lead to misunderstandings and increased performance anxiety. When we don't know what we enjoy sexually it's difficult to experience pleasure for ourselves or in a partnered relationship.

How Therapy Helps: Therapy can help you explore the messages you received about intimacy and sexuality in your early childhood years and all throughout adulthood. By exploring your relationship with sexuality you open the door for dialogue techniques and facilitate honest discussions about needs and desires for yourself or with a partner. Enhanced communication skills can reduce misunderstandings, decrease performance anxiety, and strengthen your connection.


5. Mental Health Struggles

If you struggle with mental health there can be an impact to your sexual functioning due to the chemicals in your brain. Working with a therapist and/ or Psychiatrist you can explore options for treatment that will allow your brain and body to support your sexual functioning.

How Therapy Helps: Addressing mental health concerns in therapy can improve overall well-being and sexual functioning (win-win). In therapy, you will work with your therapist to explore how your brain, body and hormones all fire and wire together in your body to foster a more supportive and understanding relationship with your body.


If you are interested in working on exploring your psychological relationship with sexual health we'd be honored to join you on that journey!




Disclaimer


Sex Therapy is: 

a highly specialized form of psychotherapy that adheres to AASECT standards, focusing on the intersection of mental health, emotional well-being, behavioral concerns, and relational issues. This type of therapy delves into topics such as sexual function, intimacy, desire, boundaries, cultural systems, and pleasure. It offers a thorough and evidence-based approach to enhancing sexual and relational health.


Sex Therapy is NOT: 

Sex therapy with a sex therapist, at The Couch Therapy, in line with AASECT guidelines, does NOT involve nudity, physical touch, or sexual behavior with the therapist. The therapy is centered on professional, evidence-based practices designed to support and improve sexual well-being and relationship dynamics.

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