top of page

Why Can’t I Orgasm?

Have you ever googled “why can’t I orgasm”?

Let’s take a deep dive into the neuroscience of the orgasm

*I promise it’s less dorky than that sentence just sounded. 

Have you ever heard of the “B” spot? The “B spot” is your BRAIN and how your brain responds to arousal and desire. The “B spot” acknowledges that the brain and body are partners in pleasure. To have pleasure you need both body and brain activated.

If your brain is bogged down with worries about body image, relationship struggles, fertility challenges, stress at work, etc. it becomes harder to engage in feelings of arousal or desire. Your brain is focused on making sense of the overwhelm and might hit the brakes. When your brain hits the breaks on arousal or desire your body may struggle to engage in pleasure or will even disengage from feeling like you want to lean into sexual response.

Exploring what hits your breaks when it comes to your brain is really important to explore with yourself and with your partner. Exploring how your stress cycle activates your brain can offer you a space of understanding when you will or won’t be in a space of engaging sexually. If your to do list joins you in the bedroom you may be focusing on all the things you have to do and staring straight at the laundry pile in the corner. There’s nothing sexy about that. 

When we think about the “B spot” we also need to consider how our brain has been wired and conditioned to feel about sexuality in general. This may come from trauma history, cultural stigma or messages that have been passed down to you about what sexuality is and isn’t.

Wanna dig deeper?

Get curious about your relationship with pleasure, desire, arousal and orgasm.

Explore the root messages you received about pleasure, desire, arousal and orgasm.

How do you feel about asking for your needs to get met in your relationship? How about with sex?

If you want to learn more about your relationship with your body, brain and relationship we’d love to help you start the exploration. Sex Therapy can be a space where you can rewire your brain and “B-spot” to allow you to feel empowerment and awareness of your needs. Sex isn’t taboo and you should have a space where you are allowed to explore how the “B-spot” is wired for you! Reach out here to start your journey in therapy.


*If you haven’t heard of the Gas and Breaks analogy check out the brilliant Dr. Emily Nagoski’s book here & order one for your BFF while you are at it. 


Commenting has been turned off.
bottom of page