If you’ve been trying to get pregnant and it hasn’t happened yet, you’re not alone. One in 8 couples have difficulty getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy.
When you are trying to get pregnant, it’s the only thing that consumes your thoughts. It feels like the only thing that matters.
Every day brings a potentially triggering moment from someone else’s happiness.
That friend who announces their pregnancy on Instagram. The friend who was in the trenches with you to begin with, has just gotten that positive test they, and you have both so desperately been wanting. The coworker who uses a non-assuming happy hour to deliver her pregnancy news. We compartmentalize, put on a brave face and cheer CONGRATULATIONS, I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU with the rest of the group. You wipe away those tears and walk into work the next morning like nothing is wrong.
You didn’t want to ruin someone else’s moment with your “stuff” so you minimized it. You didn’t want things to be all about you.
Other people getting pregnant is a reminder that you are not and it feels like you have to fight a little harder that day.
Then, the anger seeps in. That frustrating feeling that leaves you feeling like a terrible friend.
The anger that they are pregnant, and you aren’t.
The anger that you were told you need more testing with no answers that makes you feel like a lab rat.
The anger that you can’t go on that trip with your spouse because you need to put more money into procedures and cannot miss a prime cycle week.
The anger that you gained more weight from the hormones you have been on.
Sometimes, it’s the anger that you even have hope anymore when you have not seen any results yet that prove otherwise.
Here’s the truth.
Sometimes, it’s ok for things to be about you. Sometimes, it’s ok to just sit in the hard feelings. Sometimes, it’s ok to tell your friend that you are happy for them BUT you are also hurting.
You are processing trauma and grieving every month or even every day.
In the meantime:
Give yourself permission to say no to the social events and baby showers.
Give yourself time to process in a healthy way, on your own time with boundaries.
Understand being angry that someone else is pregnant does NOT mean you are not happy for them.
Know you can be happy for them and sad, frustrated, angry or devastated for yourself at the same time.
Pain and joy can coexist.
Normalize it.
You are not a bad person.
Give yourself grace.
Remember you are only human.
Help is available
Walking through a journey of waiting can feel incredibly lonely and confusing. There are highly trained therapists available today that can help walk through this with you. Schedule a free 15 minute consultation here to find the best therapist for you!
If you’re looking for resources for the medical side of your journey, many have found the American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) website to be incredibly helpful.
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