Whether this is your first back-to-school season or you are entering into your child's senior year of High School we know the back-to-school anxieties don't discriminate. The pressure that families are under to create new routines, pack protein-packed lunches (with no crust), and nail that first day of school photo can lead to lots of stress in and out of the home. As parents, we balance a lot with the hope that we can nail perfection in helping our children succeed both emotionally and academically. It's important to notice how the societal pressure of the back-to-school season can cultivate anxiety and perfectionism for both parents and children. Let's take a look into this season plagued with anxiety and how you can find support in therapy and out of therapy to succeed with the back-to-school hustle and bustle.
Be mindful and curious about the pressure we are under due to social media. If your friend's kiddos went back to school last week you probably saw your social feed full of perfectly painted senior parking spots, fresh new clothes, and a smiling perfect photo. If your goal of success is based upon the above performance indicators from social media, you may be setting your sights on an unobtainable goal for what "perfection" looks like for you. First, notice the thought of "I haven't done enough" and remember you are the best parent for your unique child. Second, let's be real about those perfect photos; there was bribery, negotiation, or just plain luck involved in executing the picture of perfection. Third, performance indicators don't build relationships. Remember that, when you don't feel like you aren't enough.
Get curious about what triggers your feelings of anxiety. Notice/journal/hold space for any thoughts that come up for you and if they have specific themes surrounding them. Are you worried that your child will struggle in math again this year? Does that thought loop in your mind? If so, notice the thought, catch it, and pay attention to what you can control about that thought. Back to our example of anxiety with math... as a parent, you may have the thought, notice that you feel out of control with that feedback loop and you can remind yourself what you can control. So what can you control? Well, you've got options, you can proactively discuss strategies on how your child learns math well. You can proactively address needs that you can co-create with the teacher. You can practice and role-play with your child what it would be like for them to communicate with their teacher if there is a concept that they don't understand. Etc. Etc. Strategies like this allow you and your child to mitigate the feedback loop of loss of control and what you can control. Therefore reminding you that you are a part of support for your child and that there are spaces that you can engage with - not just the negative thought feedback loop. I love this example of Shark Music, which is a fun way to describe when a parent feels a trigger or response that doesn't logically make sense to them in their parenting journey! As a Circle of Security Parenting Facilitator and Therapist, I like to use this video with parents and am so grateful to Circle of Security for making this tool public. Take a watch and share with someone you know who is in the trenches of parenting.
Notice your anxiety and how it may be impacting your family. As a parent, it is difficult to hold space for your own emotions and also be intentional with how your family and or child may experience the interaction with your anxiety. It's okay to have feelings, fears, and anxiety- and frankly, it's great modeling when done in a healthy way for your child to experience you as a human who also doesn't have it all figured out. At the same time, our children look to us as their external regulator and they monitor and mirror their emotions with our emotions. Therefore if your energy or questions are anxious it may relay to your child that they too should feel anxious, even if that isn't their original feeling. Monitor your energy and responses so your child can look to you as a person who experiences anxiety but not a person that they have to join in with anxiety. Normalize anxiety in your home and talk about ways that you can each cope while also being aware that your coping isn't your child's responsibility to manage. The American Academy of Pediatrics offers this great resource for families who are looking for mental health resources for their family in and outside of Texas. They have great free informational PDF's and are a great tool! Check it out!
Put your Oxygen Mask On. The flight attendants remind us on each flight that we have to put our oxygen mask on before we can care for someone else's mask. The same goes for your feelings of anxiety in this back-to-school season. Find a therapist, friend, journal, or self-care practice that allows you to notice, nurture, and tend to your anxiety. By caring for yourself you can show up in this season as the best parent to your amazing child.
As a therapist who specializes in maternal mental health (and a mom who just survived a first day of school), I love to remind parents of all seasons that anxiety is a representation of how deeply they love their children and want them to thrive. In therapy, I work with parents with tools on how to befriend anxiety and notice how it has served them before, as well as where it may not serve them in certain spaces. By nurturing this awareness parents are able to release their shame and honor how amazing they are as a parents. If you feel that your anxiety impairs your daily functioning or causes feelings of irritability, overwhelm and shutdown therapy can be a supportive tool in helping you befriend your anxiety and clear out the negative cognitions that you have surrounding your experience with it.
Summary: back-to-school anxiety is normal. Your fears and feelings are normal. Parents, remember you are doing a phenomenal job.... even if you forgot to brush your kiddo's hair for the "perfect" back-to-school photo.
Keywords: back-to-school anxiety, therapy for parents, managing anxiety, parental stress, school transition, mental health support, coping strategies, professional therapy, family well-being, open communication.
If you are interested in how to start therapy to process your anxiety as a parent we would love to help. If you live in Texas and want to start therapy you can check out our team page to check out our therapist options and schedule a free fifteen-minute consultation with a therapist in Texas. We offer therapy in our Colleyville and Allen offices with availability before and after school hours. We also provide virtual therapy from the convenience of your home (or carline...kidding..kinda). Don't know where to start and need help? Reach out to us and we will match you with the best-fit of therapist. Also, if you are up for some fun scrolling, you can take our personalized quiz where you can share your preferences in therapy and get matched with a Texas therapist.
Wishing you a season of grace, Emily Morehead, MA, LPC-S, PMH-C
Therapist in Texas & Survivor of a First Day of School
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